I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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