the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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