Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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