i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize