Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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