I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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