He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
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dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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