they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the day after is always just damage control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So here I am, sexting at work.
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