At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize