dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
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I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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