just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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