We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize