so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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