Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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