I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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