I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
being pregnant is like rehab
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize