I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
is it fun? or sober?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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