Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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