Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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