That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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