maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize