...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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