blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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