cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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