she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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