his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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