i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize