From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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