Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
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