1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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