So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
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It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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