i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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