You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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