if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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