God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
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Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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