we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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