god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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