with your own penis?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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