For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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