You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize