So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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