Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize