There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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