please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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