If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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