He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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