Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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