He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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