in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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