I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
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When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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