Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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