really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize